by Debbie Zuckerman, Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach
Emotional avoidance and numbing is a common theme in the work I do with adult trauma survivors. I define it as a subconscious or conscious avoidance of overwhelming emotions, such as unworthiness, shame, guilt, sadness, and remorse. Many trauma survivors are conditioned to be skilled at emotional avoidance, or numbing, as coping strategies to prevent or suppress the flood of tough emotions. Distractions are behaviors where one is “over” or “under” doing anything as a means to alleviate the pain of unprocessed emotions. Examples include overworking, overachieving, people-pleasing, procrastinating, undermining one’s abilities, controlling, having rigid or loose boundaries, withdrawing from social activities, and addictive behaviors like shopping, drinking, and social media scrolling.
Distraction from emotions serves a purpose, and in fact, it is a sign that your nervous system is working to protect you. What’s interesting is that the behaviors that have kept trauma survivors safe have the potential to become invaluable strengths in both their personal and professional lives. The work that we do in coaching is to figure out how to dial a strength up or down so that it is used in a healthy and balanced way.
What can happen over time if trauma survivors suppress their emotions is that emotions will find a way to get noticed, i.e. through emotional dysregulation, acute pain, and chronic conditions like autoimmune disorders, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), and depression and anxiety. That’s where emotional intelligence practices can be extremely helpful. Like the logical part of our brain, emotions are also a reliable source of wisdom and guidance. They help us determine our unmet needs so we can take care of ourselves and improve our sense of wellbeing in a healthy way.
Here is an approach you can try (even one step could help) to regulate your nervous system next time you are triggered by an emotion and find yourself moving into distraction mode.
Note: This is not a complete list. The steps can be practiced in any order and any combination.
PAUSE and notice you are having a tough emotion
CHALLENGE any self-judgment (are you having an emotion about your emotion?)
LABEL the emotion - refer to this Feelings Wheel (“I am feeling _______”)
BREATHE - (i.e. diaphragmatic or box breathing)
NOTICE any sensation(s) in your body related to the emotion (i.e. tight chest, clenched jaw, headache)
PRACTICE self-compassion (i.e. place your hand on your chest, breathe, ground feet into floor, clasp hands, self-hug, journal, take a walk, acknowledge “this is hard”)
Schedule a session or contact me at debbie@centerpiecewellness.com if you or a loved one would like to learn strategies to practice and strengthen your emotional intelligence and improve your sense of wellbeing