By Susan Temple, MA, BCC, ACEP
When I was 11, I was invited to sing a duet with my friend, Sara, at a women’s luncheon at our church. I loved to sing, but didn’t have much experience singing in front of people. Sara, on the other hand, was the youngest of six daughters who grew up singing harmony with her sisters around the baby grand piano every evening after dinner. To add to my nerves, my mom was much admired and very active in the church, so we would basically be singing for a bunch of her friends. Yikes! I was very nervous. And I had no self-help tools, no way of helping myself calm the nerves.
The appointed day arrived, and we stood in front of all the ladies, who had just finished their lunch. Sara was singing the high part, and I was providing the harmony. My entire body (and my voice) shook as we started, but all went well through the verse, which we sang in unison. But then came the chorus…I could not find the correct pitch in the spot where the harmony should have started. Sara kindly and adeptly dropped down into the harmony part to give me the note. And I, made stupid by fear, followed her voice right back up to the high part. I never did sing the harmony.
I was devastated, mortified, crushed by my failure. I don’t remember my mom’s reaction, but I’m sure she was embarrassed in front of her friends. And from that experience, I “learned” two things: “I’m not very good at singing.” and “I’m too nervous to sing in front of people.”
These two beliefs are an example of limiting beliefs: things we learn, usually as a result of experiences in our earlier years, that are not necessarily true. But they feel true. And we tend to live as if they were true.
Living as if I wasn’t very good at singing, and as if I was too nervous to sing in front of people, kept me from doing a lot of things I would have loved to do during my life. It’s only in my later years that I’ve been able to recognize these limiting beliefs and take steps to free myself.
What beliefs do you have that limit you? Or maybe you aren’t fully aware of them yet, but you have a sense that something is in your way. Click here for a worksheet that can help you identify and think through your limiting beliefs.
And, I can teach you how to use EFT (Tapping) to identify, release and reframe your limiting beliefs. If you’d like to share your thoughts about limiting beliefs–or anything else!–email me at susan@lifecoachsusantemple.com. I’d be happy to hear from you!