By Debbie Zuckerman, Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach

You may have heard of the English children’s rhyme that first appeared in the 1800’s,

“Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words shall never hurt me.”

According to Wikipedia, this rhyme was used as a “defense against name-calling and verbal bullying, intended to increase resiliency, avoid physical retaliation, and/or to remain calm and indifferent.”

As a kid in the 1970’s, I remember replaying this rhyme in my mind in a sing-songy fashion and feeling ashamed when words did actually hurt. I felt like something was wrong with me when my teachers, family, and other kids reinforced that words should not hurt, but in fact they did.

“Sticks and stones” and other fear-based belief systems can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as emotional numbing, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. What’s a kid to do but push their emotions down as a freeze response to avoid being made fun of by peers and family. Other responses could be to fight back or run away and hide, all in an effort to stay safe. Unfortunately, over time, unprocessed emotions can contribute to a dysregulated nervous system that shows up as anxiety, depression, and other chronic illnesses.

Times are changing and the theory and teachings of emotional intelligence from the 1990s continues to play a crucial role in society. Assertive and mindful “nonviolent” communication (NVC), developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, can be a healthy way to cope with emotionally triggering situations and people.

Coupled with empathy and self-compassion, Rosenberg’s NVC approach helps to acknowledge hurt without judgment and determine what response best supports one’s emotional wellbeing and safety.

Schedule a session or contact me at debbie@centerpiecewellness.com to learn how to incorporate NVC, emotional intelligence, and other invaluable practices into your life to feel more calm, joy, and peace.